Are You Cheating?

Are You Cheating?

Cheating is word that I typically associate with apathy & laziness.  And if I’m being honest, those are two traits that I really struggle with.  But more often than not, we find ourselves cheating when we don’t prepare, care, or share.  And when it comes to ministry and family, it’s possible that we are cheating the most important people in our lives.  As youth pastors, we live in the world of “Do I give this time to my family or to my ministry?”  On one hand, we all know that ministry can truly suck the time out quickly.  You look up and realize you were gone 4 nights last week, or 3 weeks last month.  On the other hand, you commit to being home as much as possible during the week, but then you don’t feel like you are being a team player in the church.

What gives?  Is there a way to balance church ministry and family?  I recently talked with a youth pastor who told me his summer plans.  They included doing back-to-back mission trips that actually overlap, so he’d be gone for over 2 weeks!  That’s not including summer camps and activities.  I always get weary of hearing how busy youth pastors are, always questioning…do we have to be?  I want to pose the question, do we schedule our ministries with (ours and our students’) families in mind?  Here are 3 ways that we can be better at balancing family and ministry life:

1.  CARE about Your Student’s Families (Spread Your Trips Out.)  What?  You mean I don’t have to do all my trips in the summer?!  Not only do you not have to do all your trips in the summer, it actually may not be healthy to do them all in the summer…for your family and your students’ families.  Spreading your trips throughout the year helps your students’ families with their calendar and also their budget.  When we have Middle School Camp one week, High School Camp the next, Mission Trip the next, and then trips to amusement parks, etc., we are overloading our calendar and everyone else’s (not to mention getting upset when every student doesn’t participate in everything).  I suggest moving around trips that can happen outside of summer (such as mission trips).  Camps typically need to take place in the summer, so center your summer around that.  I think it’s a great idea to plan a mission trip over Spring Break (if you have multiple schools, pick the one that draws most of your students).  This way, it’s far enough away from summer to help with budgets, and it will provide momentum for your ministry from Spring to Summer.  Most mission trip organizations may only do summer trips, but you can easily piece together your own trip (which will make it a ton cheaper as well!).  Let me know if you want any ideas on how to do that.  We’ve gone to Indianapolis, Chicago, and Nashville for $150-$200 per person each year, total.  You also could add in a weekend Fall Retreat to provide the third leg of your trip tripod for the year.  Potentially, you could plan your year as follows, having one trip propel you to the next:

March – Mission Trips ($150-200)

July – Camp ($375)

November – Fall Retreat ($75)

Truth is, when we end up cheating our family, we are also cheating our students’ families.

2.  PREPARE Ahead of Time (Create an Advance Calendar.)  Creating a weekly, hourly      calendar is crucial to making the most of your work week.  When we go into the week with no plan, we typically waste time, go into programming unprepared, and often say things like, “I’m just so busy,” or “I just don’t have enough time.”  I’ve been doing student ministry for 11 years, and the time is there, I’ve just realized that I hadn’t always used it efficiently.  So, the last thing I do at the end of the week is schedule out my next week by the hour.  I know I’m in the office Monday-Thursday, there are some meetings already on the schedule, so then I just fill in around those meetings.  What I found was, once I started scheduling my hours (I just use Google Cal/iCal to do this), I had way more time than I thought I did.  Obviously things will come up in your week you weren’t prepared for, but you can always schedule in some catch up time as well.

I’m willing to bet, the more you intentionally schedule your week, the less work you’ll be taking home or getting home late.

3.  SHARE the Workload (Empower Your Volunteers.)  Empowering you volunteers is not the same thing as delegating.  We empower volunteers, because they are gifted and capable to do certain ministry things.  The more we empower those that are called, the more ministry that can take place.  There’s nothing more beautiful in student ministry that watching amazing adults lead students in a small group setting, and essentially become their youth pastor.  They go to their games, visit them in the hospital, take them out for coffee.  We even have volunteers leading one of our mission trips this year, not because I don’t want to, but because it enables us to take 3 mission trips during the same week.

Sharing the ministry workload empowers volunteers to rise up to the calling God has put in their life, while enabling you to be more effective with your time at work and at home.

What are some problem areas you see in the way you schedule your time?  What has worked well in your life balancing work and family?

A Student Ministry Bridge to Nowhere

A Student Ministry Bridge to Nowhere

Is it possible to live at home with mom & dad forever?  Ten years ago, the answer would be, “Who would want to?  Give me my license, and give me my freedom.”  Today, though?  I would say, “Yes, it is possible.”  More and more kids are living at home longer, delaying getting their driver’s license, possibly even delaying going to college.  The verdict is in, and adulthood is not all it’s cracked up to be, and teenagers know it!  Community college is more popular than ever, and the age you can stay on your parent’s insurance is at an all-time high.

Some students never want to leave the youth group, and others flat-out leave the church when graduating from youth group.  So, how do we minister to teenagers who are not ready to move out and move on?  How do we prepare them, spiritually, for adulthood when adulthood is moving further and further away?  Even if they’re not ready to leave home, how can we make sure they are ready to move on from youth group?

Too often Student Ministry has become a bridge to nowhere instead of a bridge to a more mature faith in Christ.  We must prepare them for faith after high school, and we have to make sure that when they graduate high school, they are not graduating the church.  And we do this by…

1.  Integrating teenagers into the church body today.

Now, of course teenagers in your youth group are a part of your church.  BUT, do they feel a part of your church?  That is the key question.  We can tell them all day every day that they are a part of the church, but if their reality is otherwise, none of that matters.  It’s kind of like the shark attack scene in “Couple’s Retreat,” where Vince Vaughn claims he was attacked by a shark, and everyone doubts him.  It’s my favorite line of the movie…”I know my own truth!”  Obviously, this statement is paradoxical on many levels, but nonetheless, teenagers know their own truth.

How can a student in your youth ministry feel a part of the church when they are always separated from the church?  While I completely agree that teenagers need their community, sometimes we sacrifice the Church body for the sake of community.  We must realize the difference between community and group isolation.

Our student ministry team has found that the best way for teenagers to feel a part of the church is to completely integrate them into our weekend services.  No longer do we have students in one building and the rest of our church in another.  No longer do new families walk in and not see any teenagers around.  No longer do students walk into a church worship service for the first time after graduation.  Our teenagers are fully engaged into the life of our church, and it is great seeing middle school & high school students sitting in the front of the worship center each week leading the way in worship!

I definitely believe that teens need their community, and we give that to them on Sunday & Wednesday nights, but not at the expense of the overall Church body.

2.  Empowering teenagers to be the NOW generation instead of the next generation.

Teenagers are capable.  That’s not the problem.  The question becomes are they willing?  Many adults in the church don’t believe that teenagers are willing OR capable.  But that’s bologna (or baloney).  The problem is they have not been given the opportunity to be willing or capable!  Teenagers, especially high school students, can do nearly anything an adult can do, but the church often questions that, and therefore never opening the door for them to serve or to contribute, hiding behind the mantra of teens being the NEXT generation.

If we always say they’re next, then they’re never now.  

What integrating teens into the weekend church worship experience does, is it immediately opens the door for them to have more serving responsibilities.

Since integrating our teens on the weekends, we see students every single week, greeting people, running lights, camera and video, passing communion and offering, leading and teaching in Children’s ministry, leading as part of our worship teams, and even being prayer partners.  We never have a student takeover weekend, because it would look exactly the same as all the other weekends!  Plus this frees up the youth pastor to interact with parents, new families, and the rest of the congregation every weekend.  Student Ministry in your church becomes MORE visible, not less visible.

And now when students graduate high school, they still have a sense of belonging in THEIR church.  They are still serving and they are still coming to weekend worship!

When given the opportunity and the vision, teenagers are willing & capable!  Student Pastors must believe that, but more importantly, Church Leaders, Senior Pastors, and Executive Pastors must believe that. When the entire church buys in, the teenagers are the ones who win.

Are we worried about what our student ministry looks like today, or what the Church will look like tomorrow?

I would love to know…How are you making teens feel like they have ownership in your church?  What are some ways we can better pass the baton of ministry to them before they leave us?